mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
