May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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