My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
