He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
