she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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