so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
