im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
