Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
