I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
