I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
