I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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