I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's like heaven, but drunker
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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