I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
