On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
