yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
