That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
