If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
