Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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