Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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