Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
