my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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