You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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