My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
