There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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