My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
