that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
