Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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