ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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