Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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