YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
