What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
