Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
