I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
