If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
