Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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