I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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