At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
