Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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