They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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