put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
