So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
