That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
