We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize