i will never coherently bang her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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