And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
