Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
