Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
