i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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