There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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