I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
