so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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