it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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