I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
