found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
