Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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