I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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