i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you never un-have a 4some
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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