when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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