so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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